Why Is My Marriage Failing, And How Can I Fix It?

John Mar 03, 2023

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Table of Contents

Hard Times
It Takes Two
It Takes Three, Actually
Conclusion
1. Related Articles

It’s common knowledge that marriage requires effort, but what exactly does that mean? Is there a preferred method to preserve or even improve marital bliss? Everyone starts marriage, but not everyone can make it work, at least not by themselves. You may be at a point in your marriage where you’re asking yourself, “why is my marriage failing, and how can I fix it?” If that’s you, and you truly want to fix it, then read on.

In actuality, striving harder or working harder doesn’t guarantee a relationship will last. In fact, quite the opposite is true if you do not address the fundamental issue of why your marriage is on the rocks. The truth is, you must die to yourself and pick up your cross every day to make a marriage work. This means loving your wife as Jesus loves the church, even to the point of death on the cross. This is the essence of sacrificial love. It is based on the heart and founded on the bedrock of Christ Jesus, who commands husbands to “love your wives” (Ephesians 5:25). It is what makes marriage sacred and divine.

man considering divorce

Hard Times

My marriage has experienced more than its share of difficulties for a variety of reasons over the last 13 years. Each of us nearly threw in the towel numerous times. The main issue was that I didn’t live my faith with trust and faithfulness to God. I regarded my wife and our marriage from my perspective rather than Jesus’ perspective to love her always and trust God’s plan for marriage. A husband must see his wife as God sees her, made in His image and loves her no matter what. A husband must always choose to love his wife and see her as God sees her, rather than when we want to or things are going well.

Marriage problems are caused by any issue, but they all have one thing in common. Wedlock woes are the result of both husband and wife picking sides in a battle in which no one can emerge victorious.

It Takes Two

The problem is that nobody is perfect, and “it takes two to tango.” When we see our wives from our perspective rather than Jesus’ perspective, we become fixated on the flaws and shortcomings, which can divide and separate us while we hunker down into our fixed battle positions. Before long, you and your spouse are unable to talk civilly with each other without blowing a gasket. At this point, communication is broken, both sides are hurting, and the situation appears dismal.

It Takes Three, Actually

You can alter this unbalanced dynamic by acknowledging and confessing the sinful urges that dwell within you. It’s simple for a spouse to discover a fault and point out shortcomings. It’s difficult for us not to notice the flaws and defects of the person we live with day after day, the person we love most. However, we must exemplify and promote Jesus’ witness in our relationships. We must love our wives always, in good and bad times, in health and sickness, forever. It may seem like an unattainable task if we rely on our strength rather than God’s strength working within us.

Our culture has a 50% divorce rate, and even higher among military members because men are trying to save their marriages on their own and are failing. When we stop living for ourselves and instead start to live for God as He has called us to live and lead, we can begin to stop reacting to every sign of insult and disrespect. We can live out our faith in God, trusting that He can and will save our marriages by directing our path to living for Him rather than selfishly living for ourselves. If we allow God into our lives and believe in His work, he will perform miracles and save our marriage. When you believe that He is working, He can perform mighty deeds.

long lasting romance

Conclusion

Pray that God will transform your heart from being cold, harsh, and unhappy to one that is warm, forgiving, and compassionate towards your spouse. When this heart change occurs, you will gain the wisdom and understanding of God’s patience and perseverance in your life to care for your spouse no matter what occurs or how your wife reacts to you. When you live out and exemplify Godly love, patience and grace towards your wife in all circumstances, your wife will begin to notice God’s work in you. That is when a significant dynamic shift in the relationship occurs, and both husband and wife can begin to choose to love each other together. I pray that you will find God’s strength in your life and your marriage as well as healing and restoration. If you obey God’s will about husbands, He will lift your marriage to new heights. Will you trust Him to do this?