The 5 Struggles Every Man Faces and How to Combat Them

Men face their own unique challenges in life. As a man, you may have additional pressures and expectations placed on you that women don’t typically face. You may feel the need to be strong, stoic, and unemotional at all times. You may feel like you can’t show weakness or express yourself without being judged. On top of everything else, men also struggle with very specific issues that they face only as men. Here are some struggles that many men go through that are unique to their gender:

The pressure to be successful and provide for your family

Men are expected to be the breadwinners in their families, and this pressure can be crippling for some men. If a man cannot find or keep a job, he may fear that his family will suffer. These fears can lead to anxiety or depression if the man doesn’t get the help he needs. If you are feeling this pressure, you can find help by talking to a therapist or joining a support group for men. If you have children, you don’t have to be successful in the traditional sense to be a good father. Instead, you can focus on providing for your family in different ways. Whether you have a full-time job or work from home, your family still needs your love and support. If you are a Christian, this is where you can live out your faith. Having faith and trust in God to take care of your every need is liberating and will remove many burdens in your life, burdens that men take on and believe they can control. The fact of the matter is, God is in control, and men find themselves in trouble when they try to play the role of God. As Isaiah 41:12 reads, “For I am the Lord your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, ‘Do not fear; I will help you.”

Self-Doubt

Men are typically expected to be confident and assertive. The man who doesn’t exhibit confidence is often seen as weak or less than a “real man.” While confidence is a good trait to have, it can also lead to self-doubt and feelings of inadequacy. If you find yourself losing confidence and feeling less sure of yourself, you might be exhibiting signs of Imposter Syndrome. Imposter Syndrome is the feeling that you don’t deserve your success or that someone will find out that you don’t know what you’re doing. Self-doubt can also be caused by a lack of motivation in your daily life. If you find yourself bored and unmotivated, try finding new hobbies or interests that you are passionate about. If you’re the type to figure out why you’re self-doubting and can set small and intermediate objectives towards accomplishing the big objective that eliminates any question about your ability, go ahead and do the work to get it done. Either get the mentoring and coaching you need to provide the proper perspective, or do some work to eliminate feelings of self-doubt. Regardless, talking to someone you trust about this self-doubt invites transparency, and you’ll realize that other men struggle with confidence or the issues listed below. 

Loneliness

Feeling like you’re always alone can lead to depression, and it is a struggle that many men face. If you work full-time and don’t have any friends or social connections in your work environment, you may feel like you don’t have anyone to talk to. If you are single, you may feel like you have no one to build a future with. Loneliness is a very real problem that can cause men to feel depressed and not like themselves. If you are lonely, you can combat this by finding people to connect with in your community and online. You can find friends with common interests in a number of ways, from volunteering to joining online forums or social networks. 

Reach out and connect with those you admire, and find out more about them. A church is a great place to get connected. Most churches will graciously invite you in and meet with you, befriend you, and invite you over for lunch. If they don’t, keep looking for another church.

In marriage, often the husband and wife can drift apart and loneliness can creep into any marriage. This loneliness often leads to either spouse doing something egregious that they may not otherwise have done if they felt more connected to their spouse. Combat this by rebuilding trust through spending time (even in silence if you must), and re-establishing communication. Read more about reconnecting with your spouse HERE. If you cannot overcome this feeling of loneliness in your marriage and your efforts are falling short, seek pastoral or professional marriage counseling to help get your marriage back on track. A little coaching and mentoring can go a long way in guiding you on the proper course. 

Lack of Direction

Whether starting a career or heading into retirement, you may feel like you don’t know what you are meant to do. You may be unsure of what your passions and talents are, and you may have no idea what career path or life course you want to take. This lack of direction is common among men, whether just starting a career or heading into retirement.

If you are just starting your career, you may question if you’ve found your calling for life’s work. Or you may have a more pressing question like how your current job will set you up for the career you think or believe you want. If you find yourself in this situation, try taking a break from work, school, commitments, etc…and simply travel. It doesn’t have to be a summer spent hiking Spain or lounging in Honduras. You can travel simply by visiting a friend for a few weeks in some far away or relatively close destination. See if they’ll let you couch surf and pay them by chipping in with groceries.  By travelling, you can learn more about yourself and what you are passionate about.

By putting some distance between you and the job that you’re hyper-focused on, you can start to gain a new perspective on what you need to do, and why you need to do it. Believe it or not, the change of scenery and the new experiences you gain from travel can help you see your life from a different angle. You can start to explore different career paths and figure out what you are meant to do. By getting away from it all and reconnecting with yourself, you can start to visualize where you are, where you want to go, and how to get there. 

Men at later stages of life also experience this lack of direction, and it’s probably more common than most realize. For men in their later years, it’s okay if you don’t have the answer. The best thing to do is be grateful for the experience you have, and take inventory of the requirements for your life that you need to manage now and into the future. Start with the basics, like food, water and shelter.  If those are covered, what are the nice things to have?  Can you afford anything extra with your time and money? By focusing on the fundamentals and creating a plan to cover the most important things, you can create free space to explore new opportunities and things that interest you. But first, get the basics and fundamentals covered by jotting it all down on a piece of paper, structure it in some manageable order that makes sense to you, and then you’ll have the mental clarity for creativity to explore the options that you may love.  

Psalm 37:23 reads, “The steps of a man are established by the LORD, when he delights in his way.” For guidance, seek God and find out the direction you should go. Philippians 4:6-7 reads, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” For the Christian man, trusting in God for His direction in your life is one way to work on living out your faith. Trust God, and leave it to Him to direct your path.

Lack of Respect

Feeling like you don’t get the respect you deserve can lead to low self-esteem, and this is something many men face. You may feel like you are being disrespected at work, or you may feel like your friends and family don’t give you the respect you think you deserve. If you feel like people don’t respect you, you can work toward earning respect. First, you need to respect yourself. You can do this by being confident in your own skin and knowing your strengths and weaknesses. But this isn’t a switch that you flip to gain confidence. 

Confidence is built after proving to yourself that you can be counted on. Maybe you don’t have the belief in yourself, and if so, you should start small. For instance, if you want to be more assertive at work but don’t know how, perhaps ask a trusted mentor or advisor how you can improve your assertiveness. Watch a YouTube video and give it a try at home, then experiment at work. You can learn how to effectively communicate your ideas and stand up for yourself in a respectful way. The bottom line with gaining confidence is that it requires action. If you need to prove to yourself that you CAN do the thing that needs done, focus on a small actionable steps that you can do and then do it. Once that’s accomplished, focus on the next bigger step and make it happen, and then the next, and the next. Stand up for yourself and take the steps to earn respect.  This may require hard, difficult choices that you’ve neglected. If it has serious implications for you, your family, or people you work with or love, you should seek the guidance of a mentor, pastor, close friend or other family member that speaks truth into your life, and not just what you want to hear.  

Conclusion

Men have their own unique struggles. You can overcome these struggles by being open and honest with yourself. Take a close, hard look at yourself in the mirror.  Who are you?  Where do you want to be? And how can you get there? Once you’ve answered those, it’s time to put in the work. Seek God’s guidance and direction in your life, and whatever you do, do for His glory. Whether you are feeling like you don’t have direction in your life or are feeling loneliness, it is important to talk to someone and get help and guidance. God puts people in your life for a reason, so seek their help if you need it. You don’t have to deal with these struggles alone. By talking to other people and maybe with the right therapist, you can find the strength to move on. Bottom line: Identify where you are, where you want or need to go, how you can get there, do the work, and allow God to be God and direct you where you should go.  Focus, commitment, consistency, work and faith and trust in God will achieve drastic results. Living out your faith in God in the areas you struggle will strengthen your relationship with God, and provide insight into who you are called to be through Him.

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