How To Reconnect With Your Wife

John Nov 20, 2022
8 People Read
couple embracing at sunrise

It is vitally important for a man to stay connected with his wife. In order to achieve this, a man should know how to approach her in the right way. If you’ve lost your way, I will help you learn how to reconnect with your wife, and regain marriage bliss.

My wife and I were just like a Nicholas Sparks novel when we first met. I was single and 28 years old, and I went to a local restaurant with my buddies to grab a burger and play billiards that Saturday night. My future wife was out with her friends at the same local eatery that same evening, doing the same thing me and my buddies were doing. Our paths crossed near the tight space at the billiard table where I was playing, and we began talking. She was from the Midwest, just like me, and she came to the area to experience life on the coast after just graduating from college. It was a strange coincidence, but we both recognized that we had mutual acquaintances from the Midwest and friends in the area. We exchanged numbers before the night was over, and we stayed in contact the following week via text messaging. The back-and-forth banter was enjoyable and exciting, and I wanted to see her again, so I asked her out on a date. We met at a little Italian restaurant on the water that next Friday night and our conversation turned to faith, family, and church. (I was intrigued when I learned that she valued family and relationships as I did.) She was not only a knock-out (she still is today), but she had depth in her soul and shared my values.

We got engaged less than five months after we met, and we got married four months later. Feeling connected came naturally to us at the beginning of our marriage. We shared interests such as church ministry, exploring the local areas and their eateries, and watching movies to relax, as well as spending time together. We began raising a family together two years after we got married, and we sometimes experienced weeks when we didn’t seem to be connecting as well. Whether we were going through a stressful time or just found ourselves busy and distracted, we found that we needed some specific habits to keep our connection strong and our romance strong.

Connecting with your spouse is vitally important for a healthy marriage. The habits we required to remain emotionally close and preserve our passion were quite specific. Here are some connection points that have kept us connected throughout the years.

happy couple sitting on green grass field

These are some connection points that have worked the best for us:

Be cooperative.

Doing things together is an excellent method to connect. Walking or cooking dinner together at the end of a hectic day are just a few examples. Doing things together builds camaraderie and allows for more substantial communication. Cycling, running errands together out in town, hiking, cooking and baking, and working on or around the house are just a few of the activities we have discovered.

Having an intimate connection can also be fostered by togetherness. Hold hands while walking, sit close together (and put your phones away) while watching the movie, and sleep with your heads turned toward each other. Proximity can reinforce the bond between spouses.

We learned about the importance of continuing to date and scheduling quality time at a marriage retreat. One hour of undistracted conversation each week was suggested as an opportunity for connection. This activity didn’t require a fancy dinner at some restaurant; it was usually accomplished by telling our children that it was time for mom and dad to connect and setting boundaries so that we could discuss and connect on a more profound level.

portrait of happy young woman using mobile phone in city

Forgive quickly.

To hold grudges is a great way to prolong feelings of disconnect. 1 Corinthians 13:5 says that love “keeps no record of wrongs.” This kind of love is especially important when it comes to the minor ways we may offend each other daily.

According to Ruth Bell Graham, the wife of the late evangelist Billy Graham, a good marriage is the joining of two great forgivers. When we keep track of the things the other person has done wrong, that lack of forgiveness drives us apart rather than bringing us together.

loving couple

Don’t neglect.

Greg and Erin Smalley, authors of How to Rescue Your Marriage When You’re Too Busy for Each Other, tell real-life stories about how busyness, routine, and exhaustion almost destroyed their marriage. Learn how to spot the “little foxes”—gentle neglect and silent routines—and how you and your spouse can avoid becoming estranged.

Be happy.

Recently, I was challenged to smile at my wife at least once a day. At first, I thought that this wouldn’t work, and felt somewhat silly applying it. However, during the period I focused on doing it, I realized how frequently my appearance was dour.

When you grin, your body releases serotonin, dopamine, and endorphins—chemicals that create feelings of delight, according to science. Your brain receives signals of well-being every time you beam. It’s a win-win situation because when you grin your spouse’s brain mimics your grin and gets a big hit of feel-good hormones as well. Your spouse will appreciate you more if you smile at them more often. Laughing is even better. My spouse is excellent at smiling or laughing at little things when I’m in a foul mood. I’ve learned to do this more often, as well as the light touch of her hand or the small of her back as I walk by her in the kitchen.

couple riding bikes on honeymoon

Maintain the newlywed vibes.

Do you remember how elated you were when you first got married? Even a few years later, being connected can be as simple as behaving like newlyweds. You may be a little less optimistic, but you still feel connected.

Before you go to bed or at some point during the day, kiss. Send sweet or flirty text messages to each other. Make every evening ‘date night in.’ Proverbs 5:18 tells men to ‘rejoice in your wife from youth.’ (The following verse refers to physical intimacy specifically.) Your spouse will become more connected if you treat her as you did when you were ‘young and in love.’

When we look back at the design of marriage as described in Genesis 2:24, we see how God connected husband and wife in an intimate relationship. This verse states, “A man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.”

When we were newly married, we became aware that our unity was a big target for the Enemy’s fiery darts. If God’s desire for our marriage is unity, it makes sense that we would be under attack. If the Enemy can break us up, he can do a lot of damage to us, our families, our communities, and our witness.

brown wooden cross

Whatever you do, don’t quit on each other.

Recently reading about a 60-year marriage of a 94-year-old minister who just lost his wife inspired me. He said: “I think that the early stages of marriage are eased as time passes. You might support one another through a difficult experience, an act of love, or even a meaningful conversation. With time, you get to know each other’s characteristics better, and you grow more confident in your marriage.”

A strong connection as a couple is primarily a bond that grows as we employ Godly habits and seek to live out God’s purpose for our marriage. By spending time together, giving each other grace, and finding delight in each other as we forge a deeper connection, we strengthen a bond that God will employ both in our lives and in the lives of others.