How To Improve Communication In Your Marriage

John Dec 04, 2022
2 People Read
marriage conversation
Table of Contents
  1. Communication Skills
  2. Non-Verbal Communication
  3. Communication Process
  4. Christian Marriage And Communication
  5. Conclusion

If you want to improve your marriage communication with your wife, time is of the essence. It's important to set aside time specifically for talking and make sure that other distractions (like work or household chores) don't get in the way. That time can be used to ask questions about each other’s day, share thoughts and feelings, or simply tell stories about your lives. This is critical to making marriage work.

husband and wife communicating in kitchen

Communication Skills

Merriam-Webster defines communication as "a process by which information is exchanged between individuals through a common system of symbols, signs, or behavior." Marriage requires all forms of communication, but the most important one is the conversation as it allows you both the opportunity to exchange ideas, thoughts, feelings, nonverbal cues, and other subtle messages. You must set aside time with your wife daily to do this.

In addition to setting time for conversation in the marriage, it’s also beneficial to pay attention when your wife speaks so that you can respond thoughtfully. Effective communication involves turning towards her, making eye contact, and asking her follow-up questions. This shows her that you value what she has to say and care about what’s going on in her life. 

Asking open-ended questions will also put you both at ease, and help you make sense of the context in which you both make sense of the conversation. Not only will this improve communication between the two of you, but it will also strengthen your relationship as she sees, hears, and feels the effort you're putting toward communicating effectively with her.

It’s important to remember that effective communication in marriage takes time and effort—and that both parties are responsible for being open and honest with each other. With time, patience, and a commitment to actively listen and ask meaningful questions, you can create an environment in your marriage where your wife feels comfortable sharing her thoughts and feelings with you.

Improving your communication with your wife doesn’t have to be an overwhelming process. By dedicating time to communication, actively listening and responding to her, and being open and honest, you can ensure that your marriage is a happy one. By taking the necessary steps to nurture communication in your marriage, you’ll be able to build deeper understanding and appreciation for each other, which can lead to a feeling of being drawn towards one another that leads to romantic love and sexual desire (important in a marriage). 

If one or both of you lack sexual desire for one another, this is a sign that your communication must improve. By working on this, you will help create a stronger foundation on which your marriage can thrive.

Good communication is essential to any successful marriage, so don’t be afraid to make communication a priority in your relationship with your wife. With dedication and effort, you can overcome communication barriers and create a future full of happy moments together.

Being aware of communication issues and taking the time to address them is a small effort that will yield great results for your marriage. With communication as your cornerstone, you can build a strong and lasting relationship with your wife.

husband wife on a park bench

Non-Verbal Communication

When communication between husband and wife becomes strained, it can be difficult to know how to move forward in the marriage. Strong emotions such as anger, resentment, and passive-aggressive behavior can lead to misunderstandings and further communication breakdowns. It is important to discuss these feelings openly to find a mutual understanding.

Start by communicating calmly and respectfully with your wife, even if you disagree on certain topics or issues. You may need to communicate the same message multiple times in different ways before she will understand. Avoiding heated arguments is key - try not to take things personally and don't be afraid of having honest conversations about your frustrations.

To effectively communicate when one spouse chooses a passive-aggressive approach, do not reciprocate. This is ineffective, and if you're serious about improving communication with your spouse, you should ask an open-ended question that is not intended to make the other spouse defensive or offended. For example, if your wife recoils or bristles after you've spoken, ask her why she responded the way she did, or ask her how she feels, and if now is a good time to continue the conversation. The wrong question can trigger negative emotions, so having the emotional intelligence to read her and the situation will help you avoid the minefield of issues that could derail the dialogue.

It's important to remember that communication isn't just talking; listening is also essential for healthy communication. Make sure to listen with an open mind and hear what your wife has to say - don't talk over each other or shut down communication if you feel overwhelmed. But do take a "time out" if one of you needs to, and honor and respect the "time out" call. Sometimes space and distance between each other can be effective for a short period to help reset and restart the communication at a later time.

husband and wife in kitchen

Communication Process

Communication isn't just about having a discussion - it's also about taking the time to build trust with your wife. The communication process is just that...a process. It requires that you spend quality time together, support one another during difficult times, and do not forget to show love and appreciation for each other. This will help create a strong foundation of communication in your relationship that can withstand any challenge.

The key to effective communication involves patience, understanding, and kindness while communicating with your wife - these qualities will help foster healthy communication that strengthens your relationship over time. Don’t be afraid to have uncomfortable conversations, address difficult feelings, or ask tough questions - communication is an important element of any marriage and it’s worth taking the time to invest in it. Good communication can lead to a strong, lasting relationship for married couples if they can work through their emotions and communicate effectively.

Despite our best efforts, human beings are still self-seeking and can become easily angered when we don't get our way in the conversation. This is where men are to set the example to be gentle and loving and point their wives back to Jesus in how they respond in love.

When your wife responds with passive aggressiveness or in a manner that makes you not feel respected, the way you respond will make all the difference in either having a productive dialogue or terminating the conversation for a brief while until both couples are ready to discuss. Try making eye contact, tell her you love her and that you (want/feel like/need/think) a conversation with her so that you both are on the same sheet of music. State this by setting the right tone and leading by example. If she tells you "not right now" or just flat out "no", then there's your answer. Drop it and move on for a better day or time when she's ready.

If verbal communication is not possible for the time, there are other ways to keep the communication process open, such as written communication like letters, e mails, text messages, and quick love notes left in places she will find them. The written form of communication can be a powerful tool to convey meaning and intent and afford you the time to process what you need to say. Men can use the time to make sense of what they're feeling, and communicate those feelings in a way that their spouse can make sense of. 

A simple act of putting your words on paper can open up communication channels and allow your wife time to warm up and make sense of what she may be feeling. Marriage, after all, requires some compromise and agreement to stay connected, maintain well being, and maintain openness and honesty with one another.

husband and wife sitting next to each other

Christian Marriage And Communication

According to the Bible, men are instructed by God to love their wives and take care of them. Ephesians 5:25-33, it is written "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her...In the same way, husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself." 

The Bible makes clear that men are responsible for sacrificially loving their wives and protecting them, just as they would take care of themselves (after all, husband and wife are one flesh according to God's design for marriage). Men should seek to honor and cherish their wives, putting aside any selfishness or pride they may have.

Men of the Christian faith still struggle to fully understand their wives, but this is part of the great mystery of marriage that God designed. When we husbands see our wives as beautiful creations designed by God and loved by Him, we can make sense of our lives in marriage, develop the capacity for romantic love to flourish, and point one another back to the Gospel of Jesus. This is how a marriage becomes holy as God intended for husband and wife. When a husband does this, he communicates his love for his wife without speaking words.

God's word gives us guidance on how we should treat our spouses. 1 Peter 3:7 says "Husbands, in the same way, be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers." Men are commanded to show respect to their wives just as they would show respect to themselves.

The Bible also teaches us that the tongue has power, and it can be used for either good or evil, as James 3:5-6 states "Likewise the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark. The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole body, sets the whole course of one’s life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell."

When it comes to communication with our wives, let us remember the power of our tongues and use it to build up rather than tear down. A wise man once said "The tongue has no bones, yet is strong enough to break a heart. So be careful with your words." Let us take care in choosing our words wisely in order to maintain healthy communication with our wives, and ultimately demonstrate God's love for us and our spouses.

Finally, Colossians 3:19 says "Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them." Husbands are called to love their wives unconditionally and not bring harm or hurt them. God desires for us all to have healthy relationships full of grace, peace, and understanding.

When husbands seek to follow God's commands for how he wants a man to treat his wife it can bring true joy to both of them. In following God's word, a man can be a loving and caring husband that treasures his wife as God instructs him to do.

husband and wife marriage


Effective communication is an essential part of any marriage. By remembering to be patient, understanding, and kind when communicating with your wife, you can create strong relationships that will stand the test of time. It's also important to remember that Christian husbands are called by God to love their wives sacrificially and treat them with respect and kindness. When a man follows God's instruction for how he should communicate with his wife it can lead to a strong, lasting marriage.

By utilizing effective communication skills, men can be better communicators and build stronger marriages built on trust and respect! May the Lord bless all couples as they strive together toward fulfilling His plan for their lives. Amen.

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Table of Contents
  1. Communication Skills
  2. Non-Verbal Communication
  3. Communication Process
  4. Christian Marriage And Communication
  5. Conclusion